One of my co-workers is going through a nasty, terrible divorce. She left her husband. There would be no point in me taking sides or rehashing her mistakes. I don’t rehash with her, and I won’t write about it here. The point is moving forward with as much grace as possible whether we are divorced, married, or single.
At work, when the emotions of fear and anger have her on the verge of tears, I perform the delicate balancing act of retaining emotional responsiveness while further empowering realism. A realistic view of self, society and marriage is important so as not to get caught up in the drama of human emotions. And, a hug sometimes says more than words.
My co-worker is striving not to say anything bad about her soon to be ex-husband in front of their children. And, she realizes she needs to grow up and become more independent.
Oddly, I’ve found that independence comes from a dependence on God. My co-worker and I discuss the progressiveness of deep feelings of forgiveness and wisdom to replace the over-charged emotions of blame and anger. We both are familiar with Paul’s counsel to ”make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit…one God and Father of all.” (Ephesians 1:3-6)
I’m reminded of a pragmatic idea Mary Baker Eddy voiced concerning the circumstance of divorce. From 21st Century Science and Health, “Women and men are equally capable to earn wages, enter the business world and politics, care for the children, and protect their freedom without interference.”
Mary Baker Eddy’s Science and Health articulated this same idea in the 19th century context when women and men were not considered equal, “If a dissolute husband deserts his wife, certainly the wronged, and perchance impoverished, woman should be allowed to collect her own wages, enter into business agreements, hold real estate, deposit funds, and own her children free from interference.”
We, male and female, can courageously be independent, in other words, we can be self-reliant and dependent on God, Love. We can have a sensibility, or awareness of truth and love, that advocates graceful movement forward.
Whatever life throws in our direction can be seen as an opportunity to rely more on Truth and Love, God. As I become more dependent on God, instead of depending on my opinions or temporary emotions, my sensibility to independence increases. Growing up takes time and understanding, we can help one another.
Tagged: anger, anger management, balancing act, children, children in divorce, Christian Science, christianscience, co-worker, controlling emotions, dependent on man, dependent on woman, divorce, emotions, forgiveness, forgiving our spouse, God, God and divorce, hate, hating your spouse, hug, independence, marriage, metaphysical books, nasty, progress, religious books, self-reliant, single, tears, terrible relationship