Category Archives: Relationships

Different approaches to cleaning

Is love blind, or does love see what the human eye can’t see?
This weekend was a typical weekend. I am patient with Doug as it literally takes him 33 hours to clean the bathroom. Yes, I love him, even though he puts the cleaning tools in the bathroom and goes off to do something else.
The cleaning tools continue to rest on the counter. I don’t know if he forgets or what, but he will eventually get the bathroom cleaned, though I might have to remind him again.
Love sees that this marriage is not one sided.We may have different approaches to cleaning, but the love is the same; patient and mindful.
Last night, I woke Doug up from a sound sleep because I was taking 33 hours to go to sleep. I do not like those nights— loud with insomnia. And Doug will get up and read out loud to me from scripture of other inspired books.
Last night Doug read from Miscellaneous Writings by Mary Baker Eddy and I heard the idea that I don’t have to be affected by the loud human mind.
Jesus was temporarily perceptible to the human senses on this world, but he showed me that his thought continued to ascend, become more and more spiritual. Or, rather less and less affected by the material world. I can practice this.
I went to sleep, thankful to Doug for loving me.
“God calls us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (I Cor 7:15-16, NIV)

My relationship with pain

Most human beings invest time and money in the endeavor to get rid of physical pain.

Is that like getting rid of a rotten spouse?

Some people take pain better than others. I’ve often marveled at those people who follow through on extreme sports, immersing their bodies in harsh conditions (e.g. racing the Iditarod, climbing the 8,000 meter peaks). They don’t seem to notice pain even though their bodies are assaulted by severe weather or lack of nutrients.

For us normal people going about a daily life of family and work, we sometimes resort to psychology, massage, or medicine to try to manage or control pain.

But alas, pain still racks human beings.

CHINA - AUGUST 16: Digging out a tent after a summer snow storm. China. (Photo by Tommy Heinrich/National Geographic/Getty Images)

CHINA – AUGUST 16: Digging out a tent after a summer snow storm. China. (Photo by Tommy Heinrich/National Geographic/Getty Images)

On a personal level, pain doesn’t bother me too much. I’ve had pain, but it doesn’t scare me and when I calm myself down and focus on spiritual good, eventually the pain goes away.

One day, I thought about my relationship with my husband. It’s a good relationship. We’ve been married more than 30 years and the way it works is when we don’t try to get rid of one another. “Getting rid” of one another isn’t even an option.

We also don’t try to manage or control one another. Doing so only produces a disaster of hurt feelings, sloth, or anger.

We don’t love one another so much that we don’t love others. We just love the goodness each of us expresses.

Do I have a relationship with pain?

Pain doesn’t express too much goodness, except when it tells me, “Don’t stick your finger in moving bike wheel spokes again.”

I don’t try to manage or control pain. I don’t love pain, but I don’t hate it either. I can respect it enough to listen to it. And, this relationship with pain seems to work for me in that it doesn’t take over my consciousness and it doesn’t dictate my future.

From snow to desert

The human mind gets stuck so easily. It can even require a shock to get un-stuck. But getting unstuck is possible. It actually happens more often than I realize.

I recently visited friends in Tucson, Arizona. The temperature here in upstate New York was minus twenty degrees when I boarded the airplane. I arrived in Tucson to a temperature of seventy degrees.

It was laughable. I wore short sleeve shirts the whole time. My friends and I had a grand time chatting, getting a few chores done, and touring Old Tucson, the Wildlife Museum, and the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum.

Changes like these remind me of the plasticity of mind, or rather they remind me I have the one Mind, God, to image forth. Divine Mind is free, happy, and satisfied. I do not need to get stuck on anything other than God.

If my mind tries to get stuck in mortality, I can get my mind un-stuck with God’s help. God loves us and shines goodness through us. We have mobility and health because God does.


Not boring

Most of us have heard of the “comfort zone” we human beings like to stay in. Comfort zones make us feel secure, however, they also can make us apathetic and dull. So, we try new things to keep our minds active and alive. We may teach ourselves a new job or hobby or exercise program that gives us new perspectives. These new perspectives make us more interesting also.

I was talking with a computer programmer who said, “Programming requires the mind to perform mental gymnastics. For example, instead of coding a program in which a camera moves through a house, they need to code the program so the camera is stationary and the house moves.”

The program then can be used with an oculus. It took me a few seconds to understand this concept, a moving house and stationary camera, to give an appearance that you are walking through the house.

I grinned, because it seems as though spiritual ideas reverse much of my thinking in just the same way. For example, I don’t have a mind of my own, but I reflect the one infinite divine Mind. This new perspective allows me remember better.

Or, instead of moving my body through time or space, I move my mind through love and truth. This allows me not to get bored.


When to step back

When I was a teenager, Dad wanted me to learn how to drive the old 2-stick Mack dump truck so I could haul gravel for road making. I was shown how to shift without using the clutch. The gravel pit was on the lower property. While hauling 10 ton of crushed rock up the hill, I never got over second gear. I’m sure I could have walked faster than I was driving. At least that is what it felt like, but Dad didn’t say anything, though he could handle the truck much better than me.

After I got married and had children, Dad’s example of letting me learn became a model for me. There were so many times when my children wanted to do something themselves—but it would have been much faster, cleaner, more efficient, and easier if I’d done the job myself—so I’d think of Dad.

I didn’t want to close that window of time when children happily want to learn. And, the more I let the children learn how to do new activities and skills, the better I got at being patient and the longer that window of wanting to learn stays open.

The same tactic goes for adults. I’m still learning and I appreciate everyone who stands back and lets me learn, though I may call on their expertise at some points.

The same goes for my husband. When we first got married, it perturbed me to no end that he was a helpless nincompoop when it came to cooking, cleaning, or laundry. His mother did all the housework, but it wasn’t her fault. I realized, I was contributing to the problem by not teaching and allowing him to learn how to do housework.  We all can learn even when it’s a different times in our lives. And, he now contributes a lot to the household.


How we observe can expand our observation

My sister, Denise, is computer literate. My younger brother, Brent, is, well, not. So, when I found out that Brent was visiting Denise, who lives 3,000 miles from me, I asked her to set Brent up to video/chat with me.

Brent looked like a deer in headlights. I spoke. Pause. I spoke again. When he realized it wasn’t a recording, he answered. After about 10 minutes of talking and laughing, he snickered and said, “This video/chat is pretty neat.”

From 21st Century Science and Health, “Observation, invention, study, and original thought are expansive. They should promote the advancement of human mind out of itself to a consciousness that escapes mortality.”

Denise and I had no intent to show Brent the “latest technology.” Our spiritual intent allowed for an observation that swallowed up the mortal elements of mystery, space and time.

What was “pretty neat,” was the closeness of our sibling love and affection.

Still spry and snappy

???????????????????????????????A recent trip to Tuscon, Arizona, brought cool views. Good thing too, otherwise I would have melted from the atrocious heat.

At the Manor, I participated in a Senior Prom.The latest hoopla at the Manor involves Lawrence (93-years old) and Jane (88-years old). Lawrence and Jane are newly coupled.

They spent hours selecting their attire for the prom. Jane purchased new shoes. The details were shared at lunch prior to the prom dinner. All the details, except one.

While at the Senior Prom, this new couple sauntered onto the dance floor. Okay, it was an ultra cautious sauntering, but while on the dance floor they snuggle and nuzzled.

It reminded me of this from 21st Century Science and Health, “The error of thinking that we are growing old, and the benefits of destroying that illusion, has noticeable results. Most of us have met someone considered old, but very much young in mind/body/spirit. These people have been interviewed and questioned. Are they lucky? Is it their genes? Is it the food they eat? Maybe or maybe not, however, they usually always attribute their longevity to a positive and loving attitude.”

Returning to our table for a break after the song, Jane filled us in on the last detail concerning her shoes, saying, “These damn shoes have rubber soles, making it hard to dance.” But, the shoes didn’t ruin the evening, which again made me laugh because the rad event wrapped up at 7:30 p.m., time for bed.

cactus and palm treesI also visited the Desert Museum. The anomaly of seeing palm trees in the desert didn’t go unnoticed. It wasn’t a mirage or illusion. Bring a little water to the ground and plant a tropical tree, an it can grow. Again from Science and Health, “It is made plain that decrepitude is not according to law, nor is it a necessity of nature, but an illusion. There are many examples of perpetual youth, untouched by time, in the world. These examples furnish a useful hint to the ingenious mind that might work with more certainty than when Bill Gates[1] tapped into instantaneous and seamless communication and commerce around the globe by means of computers, unrestricted by the obstacle of time…Impossibilities never occur. Years don’t make us older. Our convictions manifest on our bodies, so why not have a sprightly conviction?”


[1] William Henry Gates III, philanthropist, author, and former CEO and current chairman of Microsoft, (1955– )

Seeing what you believe

Posted by Richard Fischer:

About 8 eight years ago I realized the importance of truth. Truth is just that, there is no substitute, it is what it is, and no matter what we think, or try to tell ourselves, truth will always stand on its own.

I went to a Church of Christ, Scientist, in Washington State. I made some wonderful friends. One family in particular became very close to me. I would see the parents with their two children, and often a foster child, twice a week for three years. One of the daughters eventually left home to venture in life. We all missed her dearly. Moreover, every time she came home to visit, I would show up at the door just to visit. The young lady made the comment to me, “One Mind I guess, you always seem to know when I’m coming home.

A few years later, the family moved away. We still kept in touch and I learned that the daughter would be visiting our city for a few days. I told my wife how sad I felt that Leah is coming home and I won’t be able to see her. Maybe ego got involved because I was so sad that I didn’t make an effort to see Leah.

Soon after, my wife and I went to a Fred Meyer store to shop. As I was waiting for my wife in the store, a young lady stood in front of me, smiling. I thought I was in her way, so I said, “excuse me” and moved my cart out of the way. She didn’t move and kept smiling, and I moved over more. She didn’t move and kept smiling and now I was embarrassed. I finally said to her, “OK I guess you know me?” She smiled and shook her head yes. I then said, “and I guess I know you too right?” Again she shook her head yes. I then said, “OK I give up, who are you?” She smiled and said “Leah.”

I didn’t know what to do, I was so embarrassed. I ran over to her and gave her a big hug and said “of course it’s you.” She had grown into her own person. We spoke for a while and went our own ways. I felt so blessed to be able to see her.

That evening I remember thinking, “how come I didn’t recognize her? She hadn’t changed at all in her looks, and yet, I couldn’t see her.” Standing three feet away and I couldn’t see the truth before me. Why? I kept asking myself, Why?

I know why now.

I told myself that I wouldn’t be able to see her in the old way I’d seen her before. I believed I wouldn’t be able to see her. Low and behold, she stood three feet from me, and I couldn’t see her.

believe what seeIsn’t life just like that? We are told we get carsick, so we get sick. We are told these people or that religion is bad so we believe that. We carry all these beliefs with us which blinds our future.

I remember reading the child’s version of the Bible. Lots of people would say, “That’s not the Bible, and I’m wasting my time.” But it isn’t true. I knew I was getting truth in an easier version so I too could understand.

I finally found a revised book of Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy, and I can understand the meaning and concepts of the faith. The book, 21st Century Science and Health makes people in the churches of Christ, Scientist freak out, but I believe they refuse to see the truth of Christian Science because of their fear of growing.

We tell ourselves for so long that we can’t do this or that, and we soon believe it. I want my world and Universe to be much bigger than that. I believe all things are possible, and to share truth and its progress is possible. We can believe in, and see, progress and positive things and people.

But do you like her?

Dictionary definition of “Like”

Like. \’līk\

:to enjoy (something): to get pleasure from (something)

:to regard in a favorable way

:to feel affection for (someone): to enjoy being with (someone)

There is a classic scene in the 1965 movie Shenandoah, where Charlie Anderson, played by Jimmy Stewart, has a conversation with his daughter’s suitor, Lieutenant Sam. In the film, Sam approaches Charlie Anderson to ask for his daughters hand in marriage. The conversation goes like this:

Sam: I want to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.
Charlie: Why? Why do you want to marry her?
Sam: Well, I love her.
Charlie: That’s not good enough. Do you like her?
Sam: I just said I….
Charlie: No, no. You said you loved her. There is some difference between love and like. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun.

With love can come hate, as the divorce rate shows.

This advice from the Shenandoah film impacted me years ago. For all the effort I put into being a loving person and loving unconditionally, I put forth as much effort “to like.” When we love a person, a book, a church, a religion, so much so, we may forget to like them. And, this can lead to hate.

But stop. And like.

Liking isn’t so apt to become obsessed. Liking isn’t so quick to hold false expectations. Liking is more open-minded, has a sense of humor, and can move past faults while yet aiming for the higher ideal.

My book, 21st Century Science and Health, and a video you might like:

What am I saying?

???????????????????????????????Relationships last longer when the predominant weight of communication between people is on the side of nice things said.

But sometimes, I say things that aren’t exactly lovey dovey. For example, I will say to my husband, “You have to wash your shirt, it stinks”

But in general, we make it a practice to say positive, appreciative things.

I find this practice of saying nice things helps in society also. On the job, as a news reporter, I scold myself after saying things tainted with anger or impatience. I try to say things that are encouraging.

I’ve even experimented with this tactic.

When I meet a grumpy person, I purposely say something nice. And results show, a greater majority of the time, the immediate atmosphere takes on a livelier feeling.

From 21st Century Science and Health, “Gentle words, and an unselfish attention to detail in what promotes the success of your spouse, will prove valuable in prolonging one another’s health and smiles rather than stolid indifference or resentment. Remember, a simple heartfelt word or deed is powerful enough to renew the romance.”

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